Come, thou fount of every blessing, and tune our hearts to sing thy Grace. Amen.
Jesus, why in the world do you always have to do this? It’s a lovely morning and we’ve come together with our church family to praise you and you have to say something like “Whoever divorces their spouse and marries another commits adultery.” Jesus, don’t you know that’s not the sort of thing that we say in church? And what am I supposed to do as the preacher, just pretend that you didn’t just say that? Well, Lord, I’m just thankful that the people that you’ve given to me to care for have open minds and are committed to this parish. If we’re going to have to struggle with these words, at least we can do it together.
Marriage is the most intimate relationship we have and so divorce is one of the most tragic things that can happen. There is shame, pain, regret, and remorse surrounding divorce. And so whether divorce has affected you directly or indirectly, this topic is a traumatic one. But by God’s grace, we can find healing in Jesus if we go with him into this somewhat uncomfortable and vulnerable topic.
Jesus quotes from Creation story in Genesis noting that in marriage the two become one flesh. If that is true, and since our Lord says that it is, we’ll go with that, then it means that the separation of one flesh into two is impossible. If I took a chainsaw to one of your and cut you in half, there is no chance that you’d survive. According to Jesus, the same is true of marriage.
This is why in some churches divorce isn’t allowed. And there’s an aspect of that position that I really appreciate. Sacraments, which marriage is, produce a real change – whether it be Baptism, Eucharist, Ordination, or Marriage, something happens in the sacramental act that cannot be undone. We cannot annul God’s grace and pretend it didn’t happen. Once God’s grace has been imparted, it cannot be removed. Once two things are joined together and made into one, they cannot be separated. This is how we understand Baptism. Like it or not, once someone is Baptized they are made our brother or sister in the Body of Christ. They might reject the faith or you might despise them, but that doesn’t change the fact that they are a part of the family of God forever.
The issue with such a position when it comes to Sacraments that depend on human agency is that we are sinful and less-than-perfect creatures. Sometimes marriages are built on poor foundations. Sometimes people really don’t understand what marriage is, and when the reality of life kicks in, they realize that it is not a vocation to which they are called, at least not with the person they’re married to. Sometimes people break the covenant of marriage by neglecting their spouse or by committing adultery. Whatever the reason, divorce happens and in some cases, divorce really is the holiest way forward.
When Jesus is confronted by the authorities of his day on what seems to them to be a violation of the Sabbath commandment, he reminds them that “Humanity was not made for the Sabbath, but rather the Sabbath was given to humanity for its flourishing.” The same can be said of the Sacraments – humanity was not made to perform the Sacraments, rather the Sacraments were given to humanity so that we might participate in the grace of God. Certainly, all couples should do all they can to make their marriages work. But insisting that people stay in a relationship that is toxic and dysfunctional can actually undermine holiness of life and do more harm than good.
A part of the problem is that the Church has gotten into bed with the State when it comes to marriage. I don’t mind signing marriage certificates when I preside at a wedding, but I’ll tell you that I’d rather not do it. You want to enter a legal contract where you agree to be each other’s power of attorney and have joint ownership of property, have at it. You want to have a big party with all of your friends, enjoy it. But marriage is very different from having a wedding.
We don’t talk enough about what Christian marriage is all about. As a Sacrament, we don’t pay enough attention to how marriage is a reflection of the grace of God which was most fully seen in a bloody corpse hanging on a cross. Too often a wedding is viewed only as a celebration of the couple and God’s love is an afterthought, at best. The result of all of this is that when we focus on the couple’s thoughts and feelings for each other is that it simply isn’t enough.
Those of you who are or have been married know that it is hard work. Truth be told, your love for your spouse simply isn’t enough to make a marriage work. For a Christian marriage to work, the grace of God has to flow through it. The story of God’s unwavering commitment to us, the story of us being forgiven not because we deserve it but because we need it, the story of our brokenness being made whole by the love of God is the story that we need to root ourselves in if we are to flourish in any relationship – whether it be marriage, or parenting, or friendship, or being a neighbor.
This passage can certainly be read as bad news. One way of reading this passage is as a condemnation against those who have married after being divorced. As Jesus says in John, “Indeed, God did not send the Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him… I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” If you’re looking for condemnation, I’m not going to give it to you. Jesus said, “Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone.” I’m not throwing stones because I live in a house made of the glass of sin.
But that’s actually the Good News in this passage, that we are all standing in need of God’s saving grace. Maybe you think, “I’ve been married to the same person my whole life, so this doesn’t apply to me” or maybe you say “I’ve never been married, so this isn’t my problem.” You might remember what Jesus said in Mark last Sunday – “If your hand causes you to stumble, cut it off; it is better for you to enter life maimed than to have two hands and to go to hell. And if your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off. And if your eye causes you to stumble, tear it out.” I think all of us here have two hands, two feet, and two eyes – and it’s not because we’re perfect. Or how about when Jesus says “You have heard it said that you shall not murder, but I say to you that if you are angry with your brother or sister, you are liable to judgement” and “You have heard it said that you should not commit adultery, but I say to you that everyone who looks at another with lust has committed adultery in their heart.” By these definitions, we all stand condemned. St. Paul says in his letter to the Romans that “All are under the power of sin; there is no one who is righteous, not even one.”
So the Good News is that we’re all in this together. We all stand in need of God’s grace, and grace is exactly what Jesus gives to us. We all have limits, we all make mistakes, we all need mercy. And the sooner that we can accept that we are broken and flawed people, the sooner we will come to find the amazing grace of God which leads us into abundant life.
The Pharisees that came to Jesus and asked this question about divorce were trying to trap him. In Jesus’ day, there were two camps, one that said that you could more or less get divorced for whatever reason the man wanted; the other group said it was only in cases of infidelity. They wanted to see who Jesus would side with. It was a question of legalism, a question of what someone is entitled to do. They ask “Is it lawful?” And notice that Jesus never answers their question.
Instead, Jesus turns to grace. By responding to the question by quoting Genesis and saying that the two become one flesh forever, Jesus is making it clear that God isn’t in the divorce business, God is in the binding together business. One of most common mistakes that we make when we read the Bible is that we think it’s about us and we treat the Bible as a book of directions to follow instead of a book that gives direction to our life. When we read this as a passage not about the nature of marriage, but the nature of God, then we find the grace of God that we all need.
In all of our relationships, we disappoint ourselves and each other, we fail in our promises, we are not true to our intentions, we cheat, we keep score, we get lazy, we grow cold and distant. But thanks be to God that God is not like us. God is not interested in divorce, or separation, or karma, or giving us what we deserve. The limitless God forgives our limits. Though we find lots of reasons to separate ourselves from each other, God seeks to bind us up together. Jesus says, “When I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself.” When Jesus stretches forth his arms of love on the hard wood of the Cross, he is showing us that God’s love embraces all. When we celebrate the Eucharist, we come to receive Christ’s own body and blood that binds us to him and to one another.
Jesus never answers the question about what is lawful, rather he points us to the gift of God’s grace. We might tear each other apart, we might divorce ourselves from one other, not only in marriage but in all sorts of relationships where we estrange ourselves from each other. But God is there to bind us into one flesh, into the very flesh of Jesus Christ. In Ephesians, this is exactly the point that St. Paul makes. He quotes the Genesis passage, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh,” and then he adds, “This is a great mystery, and I am applying it to Christ and the Church.” In the same way that the two are made one in marriage, in Baptism the many are made into one flesh, the flesh of our Savior’s Body.
So where does this leave us? Is divorce allowable or not? Whether or not divorce is allowable, I don’t know; Jesus didn’t answer that question. Though it’s not the outcome we hope for when a couple walks down the aisle, sometimes divorce is the best way forward even if it is always a tragic outcome. But what Jesus does tell us is that we are always bound to each other. Nothing can dissolve the bonds of God’s grace. Like it or not, because we are made one flesh through Baptism into the one Body of Christ, we’re stuck with each other. By bringing us into Christ’s own body, even as we don’t deserve it, God is always with us and for us.
None of us are perfect, none of us have the power to save ourselves, and humanity is full of broken relationships, but God’s grace abounds. God’s forgiveness can soften our hardened hearts, it can build bridges across the chasms that we have created, it can heal the wounds that we give to each other. This amazing grace is here to lead us all into abundant life and reconciled relationships.
This is the Good News – there is nothing you have to do earn this grace, but you can stop pretending that you don’t need it. You don’t have to pretend that you aren’t broken. You don’t have to hide your mistakes. You don’t have to lie about who you are. You don’t have to earn God’s grace. You don’t have to make yourself worthy of being loved. You don’t have to keep score. You don’t have to worry about being alone because you are made into one flesh in the Body of Christ. Instead of always trying to prove yourself and worrying about how you are thought of, how might your life be different if you rested in the truth that, no matter what, you are always loved?
